From domestic abused to Boss – Tori Tolbert
Tori Tolbert is the editor and chief of Blaqueline magazine. She is a highly intelligent, vibrant and honest individual who suffered domestic mental and physical abuse at the hands of her previous partner for twelve years. During the twelve year period of her life, she constantly moved forward, progressing toward her life goals inspire of her poor relationship. Learning to compartmentalize the relationship that caused so much grief. The mission for living today for Tori is sharing her story to empower people who are in an abusive relationship. We all need angels to guide us at various points in our life and God has provided another in Tori Tolbert.
Stay positive – This too shall pass
When a woman is fed up and emotionally disconnected, there is nothing you can do to change her mind. Tori was that fed up woman. Fed up with the situation, she plotted her escape for about a year. Her plan was making baby steps of empowerment to move away from the negative energy relationship.
There are ground rules for those suffering at the hands of another. If the rules are not obeyed then there is a price to pay. A hefty emotional and sometimes physical loss is usually the price for the smallest infraction of the rules. The best part of being in a game with rules is finding the weakness to exploit for max benefit. No matter what game is afoot.
The obvious emotion Tori endured was the personal embarrassment. Once again we go back to plotting in her baby steps, subtly letting people around her know about the abuse she was enduring. Planning her escape from the torment of her home, was the driving force future prosperity. One tactic she used to bring people into her world was to pass an emergency contact in case something happened out of her control. Tori stated during our interview ” I gave my mother as an emergency contact, in the event something physical happened.” Most people would wonder why her spouse would not be the emergency contact unless Tori’s spouse could not be trusted. Subtle Ray’s of Hope and empowerment were gaining momentum in her actions.
In a portion of the interview, Tori let me know she had a 5:30 pm curfew, to which she began pushing the boundaries by five minutes in an act of defiance. It was the little victories giving her the strength to move forward with her independence from her abusive spouse. She endured the abuse for twelve years until she had enough. Some of you may be thinking this is a great Tyler Perry movie, but it was real life.
She explained an accomplishment never actually materializing. Tori tried out and landed a spot for a cheerleading position with a professional football team. It was all for nothing because her spouse squashed p the move.
Listening to Tori’s story gave me an understanding of these types of relationships. People who abuse other typically have suffered themselves. Still, dreams never die, they just morph and reform.
Some People Refuse to be helped
Controlling the environment of the relationship, or possibly being the victim of abuse themselves, is often at the root.
Minorities, particularly in America have placed a negative stigma on seeking professional help or asking for help. We all have the ability to get help. There are plenty of places, website, and opportunities for those who require help. Seeking someone to speak with for guidance, and help is available through your local human resources, churches, and civic programs.
Tori lays bare from the abuse to her departure from man to her new found love during the podcast. Her purpose is to show individuals relating to her story, there is hope and a way out.
So much to say.
We talked for an hour and could have talked for 4 hours. The point of it all, we cannot define ourselves by what others have done to us. Dreams are real and must never be laid to rest. NEVER GIVE IN, or give up.
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